http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRR5YrpbBe4

That is all I have to say.
x

Am thinking of another day out in London at the end of the week. I'm off, Wifey is working, and... why not?

I'd appreciate suggestions for things to see and do. Thanks.

Indiscretion and regret.

I got off the train and walked up Ludgate, towards St Paul's, stopping briefly to look at the Wren church where William Penn was married. Leaving, I held the door for two elderly Americans - presumably from Pennsylvania.
The sun was bright and all was, for once, well with the world. I'd arranged to meet Smack-Head at 1pm in front of the Tate so I still had a while to kill. I strolled.
A group if chefs and waitresses passed me carrying a buffet, with apparent difficulty. I stopped to look in another window before walking on. Moments later I observed a mass of pasta spread through the doorway of a posh office and being spread and smeared further by the automatic door. The effort obviously became too much.
For the third time I walked up the steps to St Paul's and looked in through the door. I still think £12 is too much to look round a cathedral. However beautiful, however influential, however famous. For the third time I walked out again without seeing anymore.
And so I went round the side and looked at the gardens. Fountains splashed, gardeners chased pigeons (surely a futile exercise), drunks dozed on the benches, tourists posed and people enjoyed the midsummer sun.
I glanced up and saw a beautiful woman walking towards me as I headed down the steps. Small, blonde, pretty, very pretty, in a classic Chanel type green silk dress, matching shoes, bare legs, black bag, her small breasts free from underwear. I tried not to stare.
I headed down the steps and headed back towards Ludgate, desperate to look at her again, but too scared. I could hear her heels coming closer. I strolled, attempting casualness.
She passed me.
She slowed.
She matched my pace.
My heart was going crazy, beating fit to leave my chest. Surely she wasn't stopping for me?
But I was on the wrong side of the road, the wrong side of the river.
Surely she can't be looking at me? But she's only turned her head this way in the last hundred yards. no, yeah, maybe, why not, its obvious, but...
At the crossing I slowed and looked at her a step ahead of me, as I stopped to cross, I shot her a glance she had stopped too, no not stopped, but almost. She seems to be waiting to see what I'm going to do. I make a bargain, if she crosses I'll speak to her, however much of a fool I make of myself. I swear I'll say hello at least.
I cross, not looking, I don't want to be too obvious.
I step onto the kerb and she isn't beside me, she's still over the road and shes walking away. I think she glances over towards me, just for a second, or is she looking at the people closer?
I toy with the idea of running back, saying hello, taking her picture, asking her name... but I don't. Five minutes later I almost run back... but the moment is gone.

I spend the rest of the day with Smack-Head, we drink expensive beer in several places and watch the football. We talk and look at art, try to sound like we know about it - but we don't. The we go shopping , but buy nothing. We hug and, after we see a lovely girl in the crowd with her dress hitched right up exposing herself in the crown at Oxford Circus, he head off home. I stroll through Soho, get the eye from the one working girl I see, and get a come-on from a woman in the peepshow doorway. Soho isn't like it was when I was a student. The sleaze has gone. It feels like a theme park of the red light district. Gay men rule the area now. Lots of very sexy men just being nice sets the tone.
I eat Japanese curry in a booth on Shatesbury Avenue, I take a tube and get a train home.

The indiscretions a man regrets most in old age are the ones he did not commit.

Happy Father's Day!

Wifey refuses to let me watch football in the bedroom, where the desktop PC is, despite being able to watch her programs downstairs.
Apparently I'm being selfish.

Angry

I read this earlier in the week.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/jun/13/mariella-frostrup-unfulfilled-sex-wife-tempted-affair

Well, I've been wanting to write this all week, but I've not been able to be calm enough.
I sympathise with the guy who wrote in, as I'm in a near identical situation myself, except I don't get to go on glamorous trips around the world for work...
But the "advice" he's given... WTF? Is she serious?? The way I read it, and I'm happy to admit I have only been able to read it through a red mist, seems to be "Well, tough, mate... If she doesn't want to give you the things you need, then she doesn't have to and that's fair enough because anything else would upset her and the kids and they are so much more important that you. So shut up and be miserable for everyone elses benefit."

"You don't need me to tell you that spicing up your life requires investment from both parties." Well - D'uh!! This guy is 40. He's probably been with his wife for 10+ years. maybe even 20... and I doubt he's just ignored the problem for all that time before thinking - "Sod it, I'll shag someone else..." Jesus - He's probably agonised, begged, bargained, wept, been "the perfect guy", done everything she's asked and still she can't give him some satisfaction.

"If you're squandering your passion elsewhere, you're unlikely to be making your wife feel well loved or sexy." Yeah, that may be true, or perhaps, just perhaps he's brought her flowers, wine and gifts galore, rubbed her back and feet without ever asking (but always hoping) for anything more, cooked, listened, looked after the kids so she can have some "her time", been the husband/dad from all the adverts who can put up shelves, rescue kittens and look fantastic while cooking a gourmet meal for her... and still she shoves him away when he tries to kiss her.

I also doubt Mariella has ever kissed her hubby with lips so tightly closed he couldn't French Kiss her with dynamite. I doubt she's ever gone into a hug with her arms folded across her chest, and pushed him away by 6 inches - "just in case". I doubt she's ever heard him coming upstairs while shes getting dressed and thrown on clothes while still soaking wet (thereby ruining the linen dress) because there's a risk he might see her naked. I doubt she's worn pyjamas, a t-shirt and a dressing gown tied tightly around her to bed. I guess that the last time she made her husband orgasm (say... about two years ago, by hand) she didn't do it facing away from him and make a noise of disgust when he came, wiping it off her hand as fast as she could. I guess if he asked her she'd know whether he had pubic hair at the moment because she's looked at him recently - not be completely unable to make a guess at whether or not he had shaved a month before. I guess Mariella would know when she last made love to her husband, rather than guessing which year it was. I'd guess that if when he breaks down in tears and tells her he can't go on like this and begs her to help him sort something out, she would actually carry through her solemn promise to get help, and not do nothing and hope he'll forget about it.

I'm not dumb. I know that sex drifts at times in a marriage, sometimes great, sometimes not so. .. But how many years should he wait? 3? 5? 10? Out of the 20 years I've been with my wife I'd estimate we've had an active, normal sex-life for... 2-3 years at the most. The last time we made love regularly was 7 years ago. The last time we made love was nearly 18months ago. The time before that... another 2 years prior to that. She complained that I wasn't very good last time... I can't imagine why after 5 hours of patient foreplay I couldn't manage to be a romantic hero, complete stud and wonderful husband all at the same time for her.

Would you blame him, or me?

Story of the day.

Cold shower
Poor breakfast
Late in
Jammed machine
Nasty coffee
2 hours clearing blockages
A fight in another department
Bonus to be returned
Late lorry
Late lunch
Ignorant co-worker
Massive spillage of materials
More digging
Clearing
Trying to get finished.
Collect paperwork from HR.
Into car

Elvis Costello "Whats so funny about peace, love and understanding"
Massive increase in volume
Home
Salad
Cider
Pink Gin
Blog
Bed

I got my bonus today. And I seem to have got someone else's bonus too.
So I'm probably going to have to pay a big chunk of money back.
Lots of stress, soul searching and worry for nothing.

HR Lady will sort it tomorrow.

Landlady and her BF had another massive row on Friday. I scuttled out and left them to it.
I think she gave him an i-phone for his birthday, as there was a smashed i-phone in the sideboard last night when I got back. As she's stayed at his place for the last 2 days, I guess they've made up.

A colleague decided to save time by not washing the chemical tub out yesterday. I had to take this 30 litre drum out of the bin he'd stuffed it in, and in the process I got a splash in the face. I was not amused, especially as he had left early on his shift.
When he came in to take over from me I told him I wasn't amused. Apparently it was my fault for not swapping the tubs over the previous day. He argued the point for quite a while.

I eventually thought "I've reasoned enough here. Time to be honest."
So I waited for him to finish, and said "Shut the fuck up, you should have cleaned it out, and next time I'll grass you up. It's simple. Any more risks with my safety and I'll make sure you get well and truly fucked up. Got it?"

I think he did.

I then handed over as nice as pie and left for the weekend.

Work - its great.

This week, apart from ANOTHER 60+hour week I've had to listen to my boss moan that he's not getting credit for the great stuff he does, and his boss keeps bollocking him for missing one thing out of several hundred, and is threatening him with disciplinaries...
I could hardly believe my ears. I almost told him that that is exactly what he does to us. But I doubt he'd get the irony.

They've also made a guy "Maintenance Manager" after he started as a temp about 6 weeks ago. Nicely advertised...

Add this to fatigue, bad hair and not getting an interview with a major firm I spent 3 days applying to... and I've had better days!

Something fishy...

No, no any sort of infection...

I went shopping, only when I got home did I realise I'd bought fish for every meal for the next 4 days. Nothing planned about it, was only as I unpacked... How odd is that?

No fool like an old fool

Well, the weekend's been a total shit.
Broken phone, lonely because everyone else was working, tried to meet up with people but almost nobody replied, had a huge panic in the local Tesco again and got a bit too drunk on my own this evening to top it off.
No, what topped it off was the last 5 minutes.

Well - stupid as I am I've been chatting online to someone who shares interests with me over a short while. I didn't think it was going to go anywhere, but we were doing a bit of mutual support and, yes, some flirting while we chatted.
I logged on a short while ago and she was there and we chatted and she said she didn't know what I looked like, so I showed her on my webcam. No, nothing sleazy... Just me at a desk.
OK that's me I said. and she logged off.
I know I'm not good looking, and I was just looking for someone to talk to, share with and stuff. I really didn't think 'anything' was going to happen. But I guess all the 'its whats inside that matters, not looks' was crap... Well at least have the manners to say 'sorry, but no thanks'

No fool, I know... Stupid, stupid man.

I arrived back home and fairly promptly fell asleep.
The night shifts finally got the better of me and I was out for over an hour. Missed the News Quiz, and was woken up in time for "Britain's Got Talent". I didn't watch it... I told you, I'm down with the cool kids....

During dinner she said "Don't forget I'm working tomorrow night." I hadn't forgotten.
Number 1Son said "Are you not here? Oh, I'm going out tomorrow too."
"Well worth me coming, wasn't it?"

So then. I'm looking for an invite. Anyone?

Camberwell Carrot, anyone?

On another week of nights, which seem (tempting fate again) to be going OK, but I've still had time for a bit of a catch up with one or two people.

I decided to download some music and wanted to collect a track from bands I'd seen at a festival we used to go to as a group a few years ago. Me and Wifey were the only couple at the time, and along with LBJ and Eddie Munster, we used to stay at Yankee Boy's last UK residence and spend a weekend pretending we were still 18, could still rock'n'roll, could still drink all night and party evveeeeeeeeryyyyy dayyyyyyyyyyyy! Which we could... for a day or two. Then Monday would hit and we'd all be completely fucked and have to travel back to our various cities of residence and spend time at our work desks before we recovered on Friday.
Anhway, I'd got a list of about 20 tracks and thought I was doing OK, but it certainly wasn't the list of 5 years worth of festival going - so I sent out a round robin email.
I should have known better.
The accusations started flying almost immediately.
"I went to see them while you were watching the Sugarbabes with Wifey" I told LBJ.
"I NEVER went to see the Sugarbabes... and anyway, YOU went to see Atomic Kitten!" she replied.
I was pretty sure I'd never seen AK, and said so. Yankee Boy said he thought AK were the year before I first went, and confusion reigned about who the band were before the good band we had actually wanted to see! The emails kept flying... Remember Massive Attack? What about you falling over that girl? You were wigging out to Nickleback!/I never was/yes you were! How could you forget the Pixies? You were so drunk - pah, not as drunk as you when... Did you really wear that hat? Toilets? How did the car get scratched? Tiger Woods? Great band/Terrible band/who??
Several hours of this sort of thing were only brought to an end when I had to get dressed and go to work.

It was fun first time around, and almost as much fun on the emails...

Overnight, Wifey sorted the AK/Sugarbabe confusion. She and LBJ tried to see Mis-Teeq, Sugarbabes were on before the good band, and I never saw AK. Oh, and Coldplay were on twice, apparently. I didn't see them either time. I'm too cool for that.
I think that's right... I was very, very drunk...

Oh, and the playlist will be posted on... a website, but not this one. Sorry.
Go make your own memories!