Paralysis.

I feel paralysed by my situation. Situations.
I know that if I get started I will feel better, but I can't. I just can't get past it.
There's a terror inside the action of starting that seems to outweigh the terror I have for doing nothing.
So here I am sitting in a darkened room, listening to the wind outside and doing nothing other than waste time on the net. That and feel terrible.

I'm going away tomorrow. Going down to see some of my old college mates and have some "me time" - a phrase I hate, but I can't think of a better one for the selfish use of time that could be spent more productively, but wont be used for anything other than ducking issues.

Wifey is still in bed. She's tired after cooking a meal yesterday. And having a blood test.
She couldn't use her left arm at all last night as a result of the blood being taken. She carried it as if it was in a sling, complained vociferously as she dished up the food, and couldn't hold a fork because of it... I just wanted to scream at her "It doesn't hurt that much!" I can't find it cute or have any sympathy any more. I just get irritated.

I'm know I'm moaning, but I don't know how else to cope with it, other than to say (or type) it outloud.

Oh - things I alluded to in an earlier post...
Yankee Boy ended up in hospital this week. Thought he had a bit of upset guts, had his appendix out instead. American Mom (His wife, not his mum) was in a state, it was her first day back at work after a major operation... which was kind of amusing for me. I was worried for him, perhaps more than I would have been as it happened on a very black day for me. But he is fine, apparently. He even called me in the middle of my night shift to let me know he was home and was OK, and we chatted for the first time in several months... nearly a year, actually.
That was one of the week's high points.

Lastly, I'm keeping my fingers crossed for LBJ.
I'd pray for good news if there was a god, but there isn't.
I'd send karma if I thought mine would help.
So, instead, I'm just crossing my fingers for her... which, you should realise, means this blog post is a miracle of manual and mental dexterity. YOU try typing with crossed fingers!!!