For my next trick...

LBJ asked my "Is it just the sex that's a problem?"
I hate it when she makes me think... sigh.

No, its not "just" the fact that Wifey and I have only made love, or had sex, once in the last 3 years. Although, by any standard, that is not an active sex life, it it?

There is a lack of interest and concern in our relationship. She and I don't seem to have anything that matters to us both. We don't want the same things. And worst of all we see unable to talk about it.
Symptoms are things like the way she turns the television on without thinking. Even if I'm in the room listening to the radio or music before she comes in. When I point it out, she doesn't turn the telly off, she sort of grumbles an apology and "uhms and ahhs" of a few seconds while edging towards turning it off. I usually end up turning off the radio.
A year or two ago I was in the depths of my first big depression and I realised there was a pattern. I was working, going shopping when I got out of work, getting home, creating a meal, washing up, and then, with what was left of the evening, relaxing. On the same day She wasn't working, staying in bed most of the day and when I got in asking "What are you doing for dinner?" She was too tired to cook having just done a whole shift, including night work, and needed to catch up on her rest. On a day when she was working and I wasn't it was different - on those days she was too tired to do any shopping after work, but I had the"whole day free" so it was my job to shop, cook, clean. Now I have to stand there and say "What are you cooking?" and refuse to cook to get her to make a meal. Even so it will usually end in a take-away or a ready meal... and I will probably get a call 10 minutes before its ready with "Can you just help me to make gravy/wash this/fix that/take this?" God forbid I should need help when I'm cooking! Even if I do I daren't ask for help because the hostility is not worth it.

And that is just the way it goes in everything else.

A bill needs sorting, things need organising, we need to drive somewhere - my job.
It used to be that the laundry was her area - but since the washing machine broke, I'm the one that goes to the laundry.

And then she can go and organise me a fantastic birthday or Xmas present... We can have a great day together. But I'd rather have a cup of tea brought to me without having to ask (and without a huge sulk if I do ask for one), or a sandwich at lunch on Saturday.
Maybe I prefer the small things over the big gesture.
Maybe I can't get over these things.