Lighting a candle.

LBJ and I had an utterly inappropriate conversation via text, email, Facebook and so on a few weeks ago and one of the things we talked about was kissing. Best, worst, etc...

I woke up this morning dreaming I was kissing someone I was very fond of indeed. Trouble is, she died something over a year ago.
She did kiss me once.

About 3 years ago I was in Tesco's and got a text which said "I have cancer". About a month later she had major surgery, and despite missing a stomach, she seemed to be making a recovery.
Then about a year later I got a call. "The cancer is back, and its not in one place, its in several"
She didn't want to talk to me, she just hung up.
I saw her a few times and then, in the January, I was told she was in Hospital and I should go and see her and the friends she had round her. We all talked for a while. Her BF took me out into another room and told me she had a few months at most. So matter of fact. I guess I was the last to know, and everyone else had sort of got used to it by then... as much as you do.
Visiting time ended and everyone left, but I was allowed to stay a little longer and spend a few minutes alone with her.
We started crying as soon as we were alone. We hugged, cried, hugged, cried... I said "you know I've always loved you?" she laughed, nodded and smiled. I went to hug her and was going to kiss her cheek, and she turned and kissed me. She opened her lips, just the tiniest bit, held the moment for a second, and that was it.
I looked at her, tears rolling down my face, just a little at both the news and the kiss and she said "No more tears. There's been enough crying."
I didn't cry in front of her again. I saved it for the car, for the lift out of the hospital, for the coffee shop, for the funeral, but never in her sight.
About 3 months later I got a call from her friend. "She's gone, mate", I said "I know. I knew when I left her last night it would be the last time I'd see her."

I still miss her. I told Landlady what I'd dreamt when I saw her this morning (I was obviously more upset by the dream than I realised - LL knew I was not myself as soon as she said hello.) LL's advice was "Light a candle"

So I have.